


Making New Memories

by LoveStoryFanatic



Series: The Matchmaker series [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Family, M/M, Multi, Pain, Possible Character Death, Requited Love, Romance, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:58:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveStoryFanatic/pseuds/LoveStoryFanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the sequel to Matchmaker. Dean is found walking down a back road, but what happened to him? How did he end up there? What will happen when he sees Cas? Find out in this new installment!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost & Finally Found

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: so! This is the sequel for Matchmaker. I got A LOT of requests for a sequel, so here it is! I'm sorry if there are mistakes or typos. I typed this all up on my phone. I even submitted it from my phone. I was too excited to get this up to wait until after work. I hope that you enjoy this story. I was surprised at how many responses I received pleading for a sequel. Thank you to my readers for being so loyal and putting up with my tardiness! For the newcomers who have not read the previous story, I doubt it will make much sense unless you go read Matchmaker. You can find it on my profile. Thanks again! Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Dean opened his eyes and waited for his vision to come into focus. The world seemed blurry and off-kilter. It took longer than expected for things to appear the way they should. He slowly looked around to see where he was. All he could see were trees and grass. He was laying in a ditch somewhere.

He staggered to his feet slowly, having to make a huge effort to do just that. What the hell had happened to him?

He looked around at his surroundings, trying to figure out which way he should go. He decided to go left and started his way down the dirt road he was on.

It felt like he'd been walking for hours. His phone was gone, he wasn't wearing a watch. The sun was bright and hot. He knew he wasn't moving very quickly. He didn't have the energy or the capability to move much faster. His entire body was screaming at him. It felt like he'd been tortured, it hurt so bad.

Finally, he saw a cloud of dust picking up. There was a car coming towards him. He stepped off to the side and waited for them to get closer. As they neared, they saw him and slowed down. The window was rolled down and a man leaned towards him. "What the hell happened to you?"

Dean looked down at his clothes briefly, noticing the blood for the first time. "I don't know. I woke up in the ditch and can't remember how I got there."

The man stared at him for a moment before unlocking the door. "Get in. I'll take you to the nearest hospital to get checked out."

Dean almost collapsed in relief. "Thank you."

Sam rubbed a hand down his face. "I don't know what else we can do. We've put up signs, posted all over, the news has been covering it repeatedly...the cops all over this county and next have been searching...it's like he's just gone."

Cas sighed, staring out the window. "He may be missing, but...he'll come back. It's Dean. He has to."

Sam watched him for a minute. "Are you okay? You haven't been talking that much."

Cas shook his head. "The last time I saw Dean, he looked so disappointed and hurt. He broke up with me and left. Then left a note telling me he loved me. And now he's just gone. I can't tell him how sorry I am. I can't tell him that I love him too. I can't make things right. So, he has to come back."

Sam nodded, not quite sure what to say. He knew that Cas felt absolutely awful about all of it. He also knew just how much Cas loved his brother. They were perfect for each other. Dean just needed to come back so they could make up and get back together.

Sam's phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. He didn't recognize the number, but ever since Dean went missing, he never ignored a number he didn't know. "Hello?"

"Hello, I'm looking for Sam Winchester?"

"This is him. May I ask who's calling?"

"This is the Mission Oaks Hospital in Los Gatos. I'm calling to let you know that your brother, Dean Winchester, has been admitted here. He said to call you immediately."

"What?! He's there? Is he okay?"

Cas' head whipped around so fast, it was amazing he didn't get whiplash.

"I'm not fully aware of all of his injuries, but he did come in pretty banged up. He was covered in blood, but that's all I know. He's getting tests done as we speak."

"Okay, I'm on my way. Thank you for calling me."

"You're welcome, Mr. Winchester. We will see you soon."

Sam hit the end button and looked at Cas. "Dean's at the hospital in Los Gatos. He just showed up there covered in blood. He's getting tests done now."

"He's alive."

Sam nodded. "He's alive."

Sam, Cas, and Ben rushed into the Mission Oaks hospital about a half hour after receiving the call. Sam ran up to the receptionist desk and told them who he was and who he was looking for. The lady told him to have a seat and a doctor would be out to speak with him.

They took a seat in the waiting room impatiently. They were all excited to see him. The doctor walked out a few minutes later and walked towards them.

"I'm guessing you must be Sam Winchester?"

Sam stood, followed by the other two. "Yes, that's me. How is my brother? Is he okay?"

"He has some pretty bad injuries. I'm surprised he was able to get as far as he did in his condition. He told me that he woke up in a ditch without knowing how he'd gotten there. He said he started walking down the road for what felt like hours. A man stopped when he saw him walking and gave him a ride here. Dean shows every sign of being electrocuted, beaten, drugged...We're still running tests on him. I did find some healed fractures on his ribs, but he couldn't remember how they got there."

Sam and Cas shared a look. "He got those fractures a few months ago from our father and two of his friends. He went to the hospital for it and was released. He doesn't remember that?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, he doesn't. He does seem to have sustained a head injury among other things. If you say this happened a few months ago, I'm wondering if he is suffering from a type of amnesia. There has been no way for me to know if he's had amnesia until you arrived. Now, who are you two?"

Cas spoke up. "I'm his...friend. And this is his son, Ben."

The doctor nodded. "Okay. I'm going to have the three of you come back with me. We'll ask him a few questions and see what's going on. It could very well be that so much has happened to him, that it may have just slipped his mind about that incident. He seems to have gone through a very traumatic event. We will find out shortly."

They followed the doctor through the emergency doors and down several hallways before reaching a closed door. He knocked and then entered.

"Hello, Dean. Your brother is here along with your son and a friend of yours. Are you up to seeing them?"

There was a pause of silence before they heard, "My son? What are you talking about?"

Sam and Cas looked down at Ben. Ben looked up at Sam, confused. "How can he not remember me?"

"I'm sure he will. He's just been through a lot."

They heard the doctor answer him. "I'm sure you'll remember him when the come in. Are you ready?"

"Yeah. Bring them in."

The door opened more, allowing them to come into the room. Dean was sitting up in a hospital bed looking like he'd been through hell and back. A smile came to his face. "Sammy! It's about time." His eyes slid right over Cas like he didn't even recognize him and landed on Ben. "Ben? What are you doing here?"

Ben took a step towards him. "I came to see how you are. I've missed you."

Dean glanced at Sam before looking back at Ben. "But what about your mom? She doesn't want you to see me."

Sam stared at Dean. "Dean...you don't remember? Ben lives with you."

Dean shook his head, "No, he doesn't. I haven't seen him in a year. I'm not allowed to see him."

Ben shook his head. "Dad...Mom died. You watched her die. And then you asked the police if I could live with you and I have been ever since."

The doctor stepped in. "Dean, it appears that you have some amnesia. I was wondering if you did considering the head injury you sustained. Now, we just need to figure out how extensive it is and go from there."

Dean shook his head. "Amnesia? So, I have a chunk of my memories missing? Will I ever get them back?"

"Well, it is possible that some memories may slowly come back to you over time. It's also fully possible that they may never come back. The mind is a tricky thing to understand. We still don't really understand what all happens. Now, it is important that we find out how bad the amnesia is. What is the last thing that you can clearly remember?"

Dean sat there thinking deeply for a long moment. "Well...aside from waking up in the ditch...I remember...sitting in a booth at my bar. I was going through applications."

Sam's eyes widened. "That was, like, four months ago."

Dean looked up at him. "Four months? I'm missing four months of my life?"

The doctor turned to Sam. "Do you have any idea what could have happened to Dean?"

Sam nodded. He looked at Dean, telling him the story rather than talking about Dean while he was sitting right there. "You and Cas went to Chicago. Something happened so you came back early. When you got back,-."

"Wait, who's Cas?"

Cas looked up at him. "I'm Cas. We met during the four months that you don't remember. You're my best friend."

Dean stared at him, willing his memories back. "You seem familiar, but that's it. It's like trying to remember something that's on the tip of your tongue, but not quite there."

The doctor nodded. "That is normal with amnesia. It may get better, like I said. Sam, you can continue your story."

Sam nodded, looking back at Dean. "When you got back, you saw Dad driving the impala. Then we realized that he had kidnapped Ben. You called the police and they sent out county wide alerts for him."

Dean held up his hand. "Wait, Dad was driving the impala? Why?"

"He stole it, actually. That's how he tricked Ben into getting in the car. He's been after you for months. Ever since a few months ago when he tried to kill you. That's where the healed fractures on your ribs came from. Him and his two buddies beat you almost to death. Adam found you and got you help."

"What was I doing anywhere near him? The only time I ever see him is..."

"When he needs bailed out of jail, yeah. I told you not to go, but you didn't listen. Anyway, Dad called you and said if you wanted to see Ben again, you'd meet him at an old factory for a trade. You went...and only Ben came back. You've been missing for almost two weeks, Dean."

Dean stared at him. "Two weeks? Seriously?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah. It's been rough, but we never gave up hope that we'd find you."

The doctor looked between the two brothers. "I will inform the police that you have been found. Once I get the test results back, we'll talk about when you can go home. The sooner you go home and get back to something familiar, get back into your old routine, the better. It may help bring some memories back. No guarantees that they'll come back, but it's a possibility. I'll go see if the results have come back and give you some time with your family to get caught up."

He left and Sam grabbed a chair, bringing it closer. Ben sat down in the other chair and Cas sat the farthest away on the couch. He felt awkward. Dean didn't remember who he was. Maybe he shouldn't even be there then.

Dean looked at Ben. "I'm sorry about your mom. I wish...that I could remember. I can't believe I could forget something like that..."

Sam put his hand on Ben's arm. "You'll get there, Dean. We just need to give it some time. It's not your fault you can't remember. There are some things you should know. You bought a house 3 weeks ago, before you went to Chicago. While you've been gone, the lease ended on the house we've been in, so we had to pack everything up and move it to the new house. We haven't really unpacked yet...We've kind of been waiting for you to come back so that you could arrange things the way you wanted them."

Dean nodded. "Okay. So, I bought a house. That's big. Um...did I end up hiring anyone for the bar?"

"Yeah. You hired Gabe as a bartender and Charlie as a waitress. You're really close to both of them, we all are. They've made good additions to our family."

"Okay. Maybe if I meet them or something it'll jog a memory. So...how did I meet you?"

Cas looked up and saw Dean was looking right at him. "Um. I'm a friend of Sam's from Stanford. I was his tutor awhile back."

Dean nodded. "I remember Sam talking about you a lot, now that you say that. I was afraid you might-."

"Kidnap and murder him. You told me that the first time we met. I assured you Sam is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and that I would never do that."

Dean watched Cas intently. "You said we're good friends?"

Cas nodded, but didn't say anything. Sam looked between them before speaking up. "After you came home from dad trying to kill you...you were in pretty bad shape. You could barely move. So, Cas stayed with you the whole weekend at the house to make sure you were okay. You guys got pretty close after that."

Dean nodded. "That...sounds kind of familiar. I'm sorry for staring. I'm just trying to remember. I feel bad that I don't."

Cas shook his head. "Don't feel bad. It is not your fault, Dean. I'm just glad that you're okay and that you're back. We've been very worried about you."

Dean smiled softly at him. He had a nagging feeling at the back of his head that Cas wasn't exactly telling him everything. He felt like Cas was...more.

A day later, Dean had been released from the hospital and been able to go home. The doctor had said he didn't want too many people coming to see him so soon. He didn't want Dean to be overwhelmed by everything.

Dean looked around the new house, nodding favorably. "I like it. No wonder I bought it."

Sam chuckled. "I'll get started on some lunch if you want to go get changed or anything. We put everything from your room at the other house into your room here. It's still boxed up, but it should all be there. I'll have Ben show you where it is."

Dean shook his head and headed up the stairs. "I'll find it. I want to look around anyway."

He looked around his new house, checking everything out. He wasn't surprised that he's chosen this house. He loved it. When he found his room, he stepped inside to a complete mess. There were boxes everywhere. He knew he wouldn't be able to relax like that, so he got to work unpacking everything and getting things to their proper place. The doctor had ordered him to take it easy, let his body heal, but at the moment he was on such strong pain meds, that he didn't feel the pain. He forgot that it was tucked into the back of his mind under a blanket of medication.

Once his room was done, Dean laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. He couldn't stop thinking about that blue-eyed man that had come with Sam and Ben to the hospital. For someone who was supposed to be just a friend...he couldn't stop thinking about him. He had this...need...to get to know the man better. He needed to know more about him. He needed to know just what exactly they meant to each other. He was starting to think that maybe before everything happened, he had feelings for him. Maybe Cas hadn't felt the same way or maybe he just hadn't told the guy yet. He wasn't sure if he felt that way now, but then again he couldn't even remember the guy.

Before he knew it, reality faded away and he was sound asleep. He didn't even wake up when Sam came to get him for lunch.

Sam watched him sleep for a minute, relishing in the fact that his brother was safe and home. He just hoped that he would remember who Cas was and give him another chance. They deserved each other. He had a feeling that maybe Cas could help him get his memories back. He made a mental note to talk to Cas about it and push the two together again.


	2. Flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay. So. I know I never get two chapters cranked out in two days, but I've been feeling pretty inspired. A reminder: for those of you who have not read Matchmaker... GO READ MATCHMAKER BEFORE YOU CONTINUE!
> 
> Anywho...again, sorry about typos. I typed this up on my phone at work. I will try to get some more done tonight. I haven't gotten word about how y'all feel about the sequel so far, so let me know, please! Thanks! Enjoy.

Chapter 2

Dean spent the next week at home. His doctor had ordered him to stay away from work and any stress in his life for at least a week, but he would prefer two weeks. Dean used that time to unpack the entire house.

Sam had told him that he needed to rest and allow his body to heal, but Dean had just argued saying he would never be able to fully relax knowing there was so much to do in the house. He needed the house to feel like his home, but he couldn't do that with most of it in boxes.

Sam had eventually gave in and helped out when he wasn't in class or at the bar. He was helping Ellen out with everything. He had been ever since Dean had gone missing. He wanted to make sure that his brother's bar remained in tact for when he came back.

One afternoon, Sam walked in the door and found Dean sitting in the living room looking through a box filled with pictures. He stopped and watched him for a few moments before Dean realized he was standing there.

"I wish I could remember this stuff..."

Sam nodded and sat down next to Dean to look at the pictures with him. "I'm sure it'll all come back. You just have to give it time."

"I don't want to give it time. I didn't even remember that Ben came to live with me and that I got him back. I didn't remember that his mom died. I...I don't remember some of these people. Like, this picture. I don't know who that is that I'm standing next to. I'm obviously friends with him, but I have no idea who he is."

Sam looked closer at the picture in Dean's hand, "That's Gabe. He's the bartender you hired 4 months ago. And that...the girl in those pictures is Charlie. She's the waitress you hired that day."

Dean stared at the picture of Charlie. "Charlie...she works part-time."

Sam looked up at him, but didn't say anything. He could tell Dean was trying to concentrate.

"She...doesn't she work for an IT company?"

He looked up at Sam for confirmation. He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, she does. See! You're already starting to remember something! Okay, what about this picture? Do you remember anything about it?"

Dean picked up a picture of himself at the bar with the man who had come with Sam and Ben to see him at the hospital. "Cas. That's what he said his name was. I...I don't know. I just keep getting this feeling that he's not saying something. I just feel like...there's more. That I don't have the full picture."

Sam bit his lip. "Dean...I wish that I could tell you more about him, but I don't feel that it's my place to say anything. You'll have to ask him. I really hope you remember him, though, because you two were really close. I hadn't seen you that happy in a very long time. I just hope you can be that way again."

Dean watched his little brother silently. He was holding something back from him, but he wasn't sure what. Maybe he should have a conversation with this Cas guy and see what he could get out of him. He turned back to the box of pictures and kept going through them. They spent the next two hours laughing at different ones and reminiscing about the good times that Dean could actually remember. He had gained a few memories back, but not nearly enough.

As Dean got started on making his special burgers and called over his shoulder to Sam, "Hey, you should get ahold of Cas and have him over for supper. Maybe I can remember something."

Sam watched his brother's back, wondering if it was a good idea or not. He thought, what the hell. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent Cas a text, asking him if he wanted to come over for supper. He told him that Dean was the one asking.

It didn't take long before Cas replied, saying he would be there shortly. Sam knew that Cas was nervous. He'd been a wreck since Dean came home and he decided to steer clear of him since he didn't even remember who he was. How do you apologize to someone and announce your love for them when they have amnesia and don't remember you?

Sam got started on the salad and let his mind wander. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and they heard Ben coming down the stairs yelling that he would get it.

Sam heard Ben in the living room talking to what sounded like Cas. He glanced in Dean's direction and saw him look towards the door.

Cas and Ben walked in a moment later. Cas looked up at Dean, nervousness washing over him. Sam glanced up and smiled. "Well, the salad is done, so Ben and I will go into the other room and set the table."

Dean smiled at Cas. "Hey there, Cas. Good to see you again. It won't be long before supper is done. You can grab a beer from the fridge and kick back if you want."

Cas nodded, his hands fidgeting. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Dean looked down at the burgers and shook his head. "The potatoes will be done soon, the salad is done, and the burgers will be done soon. There's not much left to do."

Cas acquiesced and grabbed a beer from the fridge. "How have you been, Dean? Have you recovered any of your memories?"

Dean nodded, slapping a couple of burgers in a frying pan. "Actually, I have. Not too much, but it's a start. I remember, mostly, who Charlie and Gabe are. I was going through a box of pictures hoping it would trigger something and it seems I got a few memories back."

Cas smiled, leaning against the counter. "That is good, Dean! I am glad that you are starting to remember things. I'm sure more will come back to you."

Dean sighed. "I hope so. I keep getting the feeling that I'm missing something important, but no one has said anything."

Cas paused in bringing the bottle to his lips. "Missing something?"

Dean's head bobbed twice. "Yeah. The way people look at me, it's like they're waiting for the lightbulb to turn on and for me to suddenly remember this big thing. It's making me anxious. I'm already impatient as it is to remember the last 4 months of my life. Sorry, I didn't mean to unload that on you."

Cas shook his head. "It is no problem, Dean. It helps to be able to talk to someone. I'm sure everyone just keeps telling you to be patient and that it'll come."

Dean turned around quickly, "Yeah! That's partly why I'm so anxious. I want to finally remember something so that everyone can stop saying that. I got it the first twenty times."

Cas chuckled. He'd really missed Dean. "Have you talked to your doctor about it?"

Dean huffed, turning back to his burgers. "Yeah. He said the same thing everyone else does. He did say that I could try being hypnotized, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that. He also said something about intense emotions sometimes being able to push memories through. I don't know what intense emotion I'm supposed to feel to push things through. It's very frustrating."

Cas bit his lip. He should just tell him, but something was holding him back. A part of him was scared he would lose him all over again.

Dean pulled the burgers out of the pan and onto a plate. He turned towards him. "Will you stay after we eat? I'd like to get to know you again, if that's okay. I know it's not my fault that I can't remember anything since we met, but I'd like to see if I can."

Cas smiled softly at him. "I'd like that, Dean. I have missed being around you. We used to see each other every day before you went missing."

Dean walked over and pulled a beer out of the fridge. "Well, maybe we can get back to that."

"Yes, maybe we can."

Dean sensed that Cas said it with a hidden meaning, but he decided not to push. He grabbed the plate of burgers and started towards the dining room. "Cas, could you grab the salad? I think it's about time we eat."

They all gathered in the dining room and enjoyed supper together. Ben and Cas got to talking about one of Ben's classes while Sam and Dean were talking about when Dean would be returning to the bar. He'd planned on going back on Monday. He had two days before then to prepare himself to launch back into his life. He was hoping to get a few things figured out before then. Starting with why it seemed like Cas was hiding something from him.

Once dinner was over, Ben and Sam cleaned up the kitchen then went and started watching a movie in the living room. Dean looked over at Cas and started towards the stairs. "Why don't we go upstairs and talk while they watch the movie? I don't want to disturb them."

Cas nodded, his nerves kicking in again. What was he going to tell him?

They walked into Dean's room. Cas shut the door behind him and sat down on the bed. "You have a nice room, Dean. It's bigger than the one in the other house."

Dean nodded, looking around. "Yeah, it is. It even has an attached bathroom. Sam and Ben have to share one, but this room comes with a private one."

Cas looked over at the open door to the bathroom. "That must be nice, not having to share with them."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, it is. No one wants to share with a teenager. I love that kid, but he can be very messy. I like things being clean and in their proper place."

Cas smiled. "I know. I remember when you got mad at Sam for leaving his shoes laying in the middle of the hallway. You tripped and hit your head on the wall. You wouldn't let him forget it for two weeks."

Dean laughed. "I remember that. Smacked my head because I had been texting and wasn't paying attention. Actually...I think I was texting you, if I remember correctly."

Cas looked up at him. "Yeah, you were. We were planning to meet up at the bar. You were letting me know when you'd be leaving the house."

Dean sat down on the bed next to Cas. "Cas...why do I keep getting this feeling that you're not telling me something? I keep feeling like there's something more going on."

He looked up and stared right into Cas's eyes, asking him silently to be honest with him. It was now or never.

Cas sighed, looking down at his beer. "Because I haven't told you all of the truth. We did start out as friends. We were really close. You were one of the best friends that I had ever had. We just clicked."

Dean licked his lips, getting nervous. "Okay. What do you mean by start out?"

Cas looked up into his eyes. "We all went to a football game for Ben one night. He ended up getting hurt and taken to the hospital. He was fine, but he had a concussion so he had to stay overnight. Everyone else had already left an hour or so before I decided it was time for me to leave. You walked me out to the car and...Well, we kissed. The next day, we talked and we decided that we wanted to be more than friends. We started dating."

Dean stared at him. "Why didn't you tell me? I've spent the last week trying to figure out if there was something going on that I wasn't aware of. I could have..."

Dean looked away, trying to wrap his mind around it. No wonder he had felt like there was something more between them.

Cas closed his eyes briefly. "That's not all, Dean."

Dean looked back at him as if he hadn't heard him. "I've been feeling like I should know you more than anyone else. I've felt like you're important to me, but I couldn't figure out why. I've missed you the last week, but felt weird for missing someone I didn't really remember. And when you walked in...it was like...all my worries just washed away. It was like finally being whole after missing a piece for so long."

Cas held back tears. "I felt the same way, Dean."

Dean took Cas's hand in his own. "I want to remember. More than anything, I want to remember what we've been through and what you mean to me. I know that it's important that I remember."

Dean paused, unsure. "Could I..." He decided, to hell with it. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Cas's. It was like a rain storm in the middle of the desert. It was like finally being whole again after being ripped apart.

Cas slid his free hand over to rest on Dean's thigh. The kiss deepened. Cas finally pulled away. "Dean, the beer."

Dean nodded, placing both their bottles on the floor before resuming what they'd been doing. Dean gently pushed Cas backwards, but only enough to be a suggestion, a silent question asking if Cas was okay with it. Cas reached up and pulled Dean towards him by his shirt, pulling them back onto the bed.

Dean grabbed Cas by the waist and pushed him to rest on the pillows before laying on top of him. Cas's hands were roaming up the back of his shirt while his own were roaming up the front of Cas's.

Dean started trailing kisses down Cas's neck, pulling a moan out of him. Cas arched his back to get as close to Dean as he could. Their pants started rubbing together, causing both of them to moan.

Suddenly, a flash went through Dean's mind. He saw a flash of a tan trench coat before it was gone. Dean shook it off and continued his trail of kisses as his left hand came up and started playing with one of Cas's nipples.

One of Cas's hands travelled down across Dean's ass to his thigh. It pulled another low moan from Dean's throat. Another flash, this time longer. He was talking to Sam and noticed a man with bright blue eyes sitting next to him. They both froze and were sucked into their own little world.

Another flash. Cas helping him back to his office after his knee giving out on him. He gave him some water to take a pain pill with.

Flash. Cas making him spaghetti while he recovered from being injured. Spending the entire weekend with him talking and laughing.

Flash. Laughing with Cas at the bar. Hanging out with his friends while he worked. Getting to know

this man who had come into his life.

Flash. Cas walking into the house with Ben, both smiling. Cas helping him with homework. Cas watching movies with them. Cas helping him with dinner. Cas falling asleep on his couch.

Flash. Cas getting jealous about Diggle at the game. Cas telling him he's attracted to him. Them kissing by the impala all those weeks ago and then making it official.

Falling asleep next to each other, pulling him into his arms. Holding him after he found out about his dad. Meeting his family, dealing with Michael and Raphael.

Flash.

Dean pulled away and looked into Cas's eyes. Instantly, Cas knew. He saw the recognition, the love, but mainly the pain in his eyes. "Cas...?"

"Dean. I am so sorry. Dean...please...I am so, so sorry..."


	3. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry it has taken me forever and a day to update.........it has been very hectic around here. Anywho....you may not like me after this chapter lol good luck and enjoy!!

Dean stared out the window unseeing, the same way he did every day. Sam sighed and sat down next to him. “It wasn’t your fault, Dean. There was no way for you to know.”

 

Dean shook his head. “I should have known. I know Cas. I know how he is. Or…I did. This is on me. This should never have happened. I should have forgiven him.”

 

Sam continued to talk, but Dean easily tuned him out. He had gotten really good at doing that. His mind was focused on what had happened to Cas, the way it always was since it happened. It was all his fault what had happened to the love of his life. If only he had gotten over his stubbornness and just forgiven the man, none of it would have happened.

 

“Sam…just stop. You’ve been saying the same things to me for years now. You’ve been trying to convince me that it wasn’t my fault for thirty years. Don’t you think it’s about time to give it a rest? You know I stopped listening to you years ago.”

 

Sam nodded and stood. “You’re right. You’re hopeless. I have to get going anyway. It’s Tommy’s first soccer game for the year and I promised I would be there.”

 

Dean chuckled half-heartedly. “Go wish him luck for me, grandpa.”

 

He was left alone to his solitude the way he was every day. Sam liked to stop over every other day for about an hour or so to try and talk some sense into him or just sit with him in silence. Dean didn’t do much talking anymore. His thoughts were otherwise occupied. There were rare days when he left the house to go visit Ben and family, but that happened less and less as the days went on. He knew he dragged them down with his sadness. He didn’t want that. He wanted those he loved to be happy. He was the only one who deserved to suffer.

 

He remembered that day like it had been yesterday. Every day of the rest of his life, that day had played over and over in his mind like a broken record. No matter what he did, his life had been rebalanced to revolve around that one day. That was the day he had lost his soul mate. And it was all his fault.

 

**SPN**

 

Dean shook his head, walking out of the room. Cas was right on his heels. “Cas, I said get the hell out of here.  


“Dean, please! We need to talk about this. I have things I need to say.”

 

“I don’t give a damn about what you need to say. You didn’t have anything to say back at your mom’s house in front of your entire family, so why should you say anything now? What’s changed? From where I’m standing, the only thing that changed was that Ben was kidnapped, I went missing for a while, and then suddenly returned without my memory. That gives you the perfect opportunity to start fresh with me and pretend like you didn’t really screw things up.”

Cas couldn’t stop the tear that leaked from his eye. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have froze the way I did. I was surprised, but I don’t have an excuse for my behavior. I just want you to forgive me. I love you, Dean. I want to be with you.”

 

Dean looked the other way, not meeting his eyes. After a few seconds of tense silence, Dean closed his eyes and whispered. “Get out.”

 

Cas snapped his jaw together tight so it didn’t tremble and walked away. He made his way down the stairs and through the house silently, trying to stave off the rest of the tears he knew were coming. He didn’t want to break down until he was at his apartment in privacy.

 

Sam and Ben silently watched him walk out of the house. They briefly looked at each other before Sam stood and walked upstairs. He found Dean alone in his room, his fists clenched tightly.

 

“Dean…?”

 

“You knew, didn’t you?”

 

Sam took another step into the room. “Knew what?”

 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about Sam. You knew what happened before I went to get Ben back. You knew the reason I was back early. You didn’t say a damn thing and kept bringing him around pretending that nothing had happened. You kept saying you wanted me to remember what happened, but did you really?”

 

Sam’s lips parted while he thought of what to say. “Dean…he’s sorry for what happened. He really is. You should have seen him while you were gone. He was beside himself. Wait…you remember..?”

 

Dean turned and looked at his little brother. “Yeah, I remember everything, Sam. It all came back to me. I don’t remember what Dad did to me or anything that happened in that time frame, but I remember everything up until the point where I left the go get Ben back. That includes what he did.”

 

“Dean…that man loves you. And you love him. Why are you going to let something like this get in the way of your happiness? You two belong together. Why are you just throwing that away?”

 

“Throwing it away? You think I’m throwing it away? He humiliated me. He betrayed me. He is the one who threw it away and then tried to pick it back up like nothing had happened at all. After everything with Lisa…I thought that I could be happy. I thought that I had found that, but apparently I was wrong. Apparently I’m not meant to be happy. Apparently, my fate is to be screwed over by those I love.”

 

Dean turned his back to Sam and ran a hand through his hair. “Just go back downstairs and tell Ben everything’s fine. Tell him I got my memory back and everything will be fine. I’ll go back to work tomorrow and life will go on. Without Cas.”

 

 

**SPN**

 

Dean sat in his office staring at his laptop. Work was going very slowly. With everything that had happened, business was slow. He was worried they may not be able to stay afloat much longer unless something drastic was done to bring business back the way it had been before everything had happened.

 

Over the next week, Dean goes about his life the way he did before everything went to hell. Minus Cas. He allowed himself to get sucked down into work-mode and not concentrate on anything else besides Ben. His family knew better than to bring up Cas around him, but he frequently found them huddled together discussing something secretive.

 

He knew they were trying to come up with a way to get them back together. He also knew that it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t think he was deserving of love anymore. After Lisa and then Cas…? There was nothing left of himself to give to another person besides Ben.

 

One night, Cas walked into the bar. Sam looked up from his phone, his eyes going wide. “Cas! What are you doing here?”

 

Cas swallowed and walked over to the bar. “I need to talk to him.”

 

Gabe frowned. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Cas. He’s been in a bit of a mood ever since he got his memory back.”

 

Cas nodded, looking Gabe in the eye. “I need to talk to him, Gabriel. I have to try to explain myself again. Where is he? I saw the Impala outside, so I know he’s here.”

 

Sam sighed, shaking his head. “He’s in his office working on next month’s budget.”

 

Cas nodded once again and moved towards the back. His nerves were rising with every step he took. He had a very bad feeling about what was about to happen, but he couldn’t just let it drop and forget that Dean meant the world to him. He couldn’t just let it all go. He needed to speak with him at least one more time, give it another shot.

 

The door to his office was closed. He knew that meant Dean was trying to concentrate on what he was doing. If it wasn’t important, he usually left the door open for anyone to meander in to talk when it was slow.

 

He raised his fist and knocked lightly twice. A muffled voice responded for him to come in. It was now or never. Cas took a deep breath and opened the door.

 

Dean was looking down at his desk, writing out numbers in his budget book. He hadn’t bothered to look up when the door opened. That also told Cas that he was in the middle of something important.

 

Cas stood there awkwardly for a moment before quietly clearing his throat. Dean looked up at the noise and froze. Cas could see the neutrality of his posture vanish as soon as their eyes locked.

 

“Cas. What are you doing here?”

 

Cas swallowed roughly before taking another step inside and closing the office door. “We need to talk, Dean. It’s been over a week and I haven’t heard from you. I know that you’re very angry and you have every right to be, but-.”

 

“But what, Cas? You betrayed me. You embarrassed me. Then you lied to me and had my family lie to me. How do you expect me to react to that?”

 

Cas nodded, trying to hold his feelings in check. “I understand that, Dean. I really do. All I’m asking for is another chance. I want to make it up to you somehow. I want things to be the way they were. I love you, Dean. I want to be with you.”

 

“It sure didn’t seem like it back at your mom’s house. From where I stood, it looked like you were horrified of what you were hearing.”

 

“Yes, I was. But not in the way you are obviously thinking.”

 

Dean stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. “Really? And what way am I thinking?”

 

Cas took another hesitant step towards the desk. “You’re thinking that I was horrified for Ben. That you would do something to him.” There was a flash of pure anger in Dean’s eyes. “But I know you, Dean. That wasn’t what I was thinking at all. I was horrified for _you_. That someone could ever do something like that to _you_. I love you, Dean. I can’t even think about anything bad happening to you without becoming horrified or potentially ill. I want nothing but the absolute best for you. I always have and I always will, no matter how far away you push me. You can never speak to me again and I will still love you and I will still want the very best for you. I know that Ben is safe with you. You have gone through hell and back for him. Even without that happening, I know that he is in good hands, the very best hands. Please, Dean…”

 

Dean shook his head, looking away from Cas. “You’re saying all the right things, but how can I believe you? How can I trust you again?”

 

Dean looked back at Cas, his eyes pleading. “You broke my heart, Cas. You were the first person I really opened up to and let into my life since Lisa. I gave everything I have in me to you. Everything was going perfectly until we went to Chicago and I met your brother. I may be overreacting here, but this is how I feel, Cas. You know what I’ve been through. You know how hard it is for me to open up to anyone. For me to completely open myself up to you and then be completely embarrassed and betrayed in that way in front of your entire family with you just standing there staring at me…I don’t know if I could ever trust you again.”

 

Cas’ lip quivered. “Okay. Then I guess all that’s left for me to say is that I really do love you, Dean, and I wish you the very best. I want you to at least consider giving me a chance. I understand that it would take time, but…just consider it, okay?”

 

Dean took in a deep breath and blew it out. “I’ll think about it, but I’m not giving you any promises. I don’t want you thinking that this is me giving in and just letting it all go. There’s only a slight chance I’ll give you the opportunity to make things right between us and if I do, it’ll be after a lot of careful thinking. I can’t promise anything.”

 

Cas nodded, a tiny spark of hope igniting in his eyes. “I know that, Dean. I understand. Just...don’t give up on us so easily.”

 

Dean’s brow raised. “Easily? You think this is easy for me? Jesus Christ, Cas. I’m in love with you. You really think that I want to be apart? You really think that I want to deal with all of this or even think about it? You really think that I want to be miserable and lonely when I could be with you? If you seriously think that this is easy for me, then you can go screw yourself. I have work to do.”

 

Dean sat back down behind his desk and stared at his laptop angrily.

 

“Dean, I didn’t mean-.”

 

“Save it, Cas. I don’t want to hear it.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Okay.”

 

**SPN**

Cas had left Dean’s office after that. Dean had been so angry with him. Looking back on it, Dean regretted the words he’d spoken to him. If only he’d known what he did now. If only he’d known that he would only see Cas one more time…he would have chosen different words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? :)

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think!!


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